Monday, March 13, 2017

Spring Forward, Look Back

This weekend was a tough one for mom (and me). I actually ran away three times this weekend, remembering something "I forgot" at home just to get away from her relentlessness.

The kids were on Spring Break this week and we had some college visits to make. In spite of all the arrangements we made to have someone looking after mom, she had a rough week. The schedule was off and she felt it. She has imprinted on me, even though she doesn't always recognize me, and my not being there seems to throw her.

So Saturday, we're back and on schedule, but mom doesn't just fall back into routine--she is mad. She doesn't know why she is mad, she just is mad. She casts about for things that are upsetting her.

And because she is upset, this weekend was fight picking weekend. Everything I did and said was wrong.  She wanted to walk, and when I said "OK, its cold, wrap up," she didn't want to walk, "why was I making her?"

She was hungry, so I made her food she said she wanted, and she would put the plate in the refrigerator untouched saying "I just ate."

There were so many things, her house, the lost kids, the dog---I cannot list them all. 

 But the worst, the worst, the absolute worst was her car. After weeks of not having the car be an issue, weeks where she told me "she sold her car because it was just too much bother," she called me Saturday to ask me to help her phone the police, "someone had stolen her car." When I told her she had sold her car she got really angry and wanted to know what I had done with the money.

Then she wanted to see my car, and when I showed it to her she said, "that's not my car." Obviously, she thought I had taken her car.

All day Saturday she rounded on me about the car. Distraction, explanation, diversion, games, puzzles, drawing---none of it lasted----always, always, always she circles back to that blasted car.

Saturday night we watched a Project Runway rerun---mom loves these--and we were drawing dresses in our sketchbooks and talking about fashion. We were having a nice time. Suddenly, in the middle of the show, Mom said she was getting tired. So, I switched off the TV and did a brisk tidy and tuck in. I hugged her goodnight, said "see you in the morning!" She said "see you in the morning" in a cheerful chirp and laid down.

I picked up my stuff, turned to go and mom was behind me.

She said " I'll just lock up."

 I said "I can lock up, you can stay tucked in warm."

 She put her hand on my back and said guided me toward the back door saying sweetly "No honey, I'll lock up."

"OK, " I said, "I'll be quick because its cold."

When we got to the back door, the cheerful voice was gone. In a completely different voice, she hissed "I did not sell my car!" and then she shoved me out the back door and slammed it and locked it.

I stood there a few seconds waiting to see if she would open the door and start again, but she turned off the kitchen light and went back to the family room. 

And you know, she's right. She didn't sell her car.